I know I don’t normally post on Saturdays, but a year ago today, my dad died of brain cancer. I wanted to note today somehow, in memory and because so many of you were such a support during that time, and also (on a more mundane note) because I haven’t been posting much this week and that’s why. It’s been a hard week, and I decided at a certain point that I wasn’t going to push.
I don’t know exactly what to say beyond that. He’s still gone and I still miss him. On the six month anniversary of his death, I wrote up a whole post about my memories of him and reading, and I’m glad I did. But somehow it hurts too much right now for me to be eloquent. I still feel a strange kind of disbelief. I don’t know if that will ever go away, really. A part of me will always be unflyable, stuck in the climb.
All of this has shaped and is shaping me in ways I can’t even begin to articulate. So I suppose I’ll fall back once again on the prayers of my Church, and simply say, “Give rest, O Lord, to the soul of Thy servant Nathaniel, who has fallen asleep.” And that I can say with all my heart.